I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
