im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
