fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
