i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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