Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
