omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
