i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
