Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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