Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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