you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
