I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
