sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
