I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
