She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
