I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
