I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
