Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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