i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My bed smells like the plague
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