just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
