yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
