NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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