i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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