loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
