Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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