If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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