i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
