I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
