I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
