Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Randomize
