is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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