My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's always time for handjobs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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