I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
