At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
