And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
