i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
