everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
