so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
