he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
