I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
