You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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