Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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