The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
