She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
