Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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