I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
