why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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