I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ttyl tear gas
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
