I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize