I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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