did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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