Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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