Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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