Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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