I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just puked most of my soul out..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
