And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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