I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize