This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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