I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
