you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
