If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
