If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
