Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
