***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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