I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
