I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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