I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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