I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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