I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm too high and old for this...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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